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This Is Why I'm Single

“This is a story of a girl who turned out wrong, because she only loved things that couldn’t love her back.” —Sophia, Skins

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Hi [REDACTED],

Well i’m very cuddly and nice under the sheets and really warm. You want to try and see how you feel? Also last week Krystal sent me an e-mail thanking me for dinner and asked for my number. I told her I was glad she had a good time as I was fine with her coming because I was very fond of you and if she wanted to come it was okay. Do you want to have a threesome with Krystal Friday night in NYC Hotel? It should be relaxed with a lot of sensuous passion between all of us. Would you both like that and feel good about it? I really would like to kiss you passionately on your own one day. I have no germs. Do you?

Warmest Regards

— Still reading this article. I am dying.

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