I'm single because I'm bipolar on how I feel about it.
one second i’m:
FUCK YEAH DON’T HAVE TO ANSWER TO ANYBODY. I CAN EAT ALL THE ICE CREAM I WANT AND DO WHATEVER I WANT. I DON’T NEED ANYONE TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER AND ALIVE. IT’S AWESOME BEING SINGLE. NEVER BE TIED DOWN! NEVER SETTLE. NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW MY SECRETS, THEY’RE MINE.
the next i’m:
FUCK I AM GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER. FUCK I AM GOING TO BE A CAT LADY WHO’S NEVER BEEN IN LOVE (AGAIN) AND IT IS GOING TO BE SO LONELY NOBODY LIKES ME. WHERE IS THE FUCKING ICE CREAM. GET ME THE DONETTES.
“I am so accustomed to men not even considering me a romantic option, to viewing me as asexual (or, conversely, purely sexual, but still not a romantic option), that I think I now expect it from all men. As an act of self-preservation, I remain closed-off, aloof, impervious. So, when a man, of any race, treats me as a beautiful woman worthy of pursuing, I am genuinely surprised. Sometimes it takes me so long to catch on that I’ve missed my chance to flirt back.”—
“Relationships always sound so physically painful. You fall in love, you break a heart, you lose you head. Is it any wonder that people come through the experience with battle scars?”—Jodi Picoult- The Tenth Circle (via slowlybecoming)
If I like you I can barely talk. I stutter a lot and say dumb corny things. I once actually said to another human being; he was about to leave and I wanted to ask him if wanted to get something to eat. My exact words:
"Hey! Food… you know if… sometimes hungry? Eat it. Like now I mean or later. You should eat later or now. I’m going to do it now. So…"
He stood there and said, “Yeah… I was going to go get something to eat now. You want to come?”
And I said, “No. I’m not hungry.”
NO I’M NOT HUNGRY!
The fuck is wrong with me?? This happened like 8 years ago and it still haunts me. HAUNTS ME!
I honestly don’t know, but I like to think that there is a certain ratio to these things. Maybe only a certain percent of people can be in a happy realtionship with someone they love. While I am not happy with my current relationship status, I still like to think this. If me being single keeps up this ratio so other people are happy, then that makes me really happy.
Plus I’m sure eventually at some point, I’ll be on the other side of the ratio. But for now, I’m just being happy, being myself, and waiting for the day when the ratio tips and it’s my turn to be in love.